WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!?

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AdvertBreak
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Re: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!?

Post by AdvertBreak » 05 Dec 2016, 03:27

ok firstly i feel kinda bad i haven't been on recently. It's not that i've lost interest but i've kinda narrowed down the things i do until i've pretty much only done youtube, facebook and wikipedia for monhs, which i hope to change. i didn't know why but now its become i think more clear as it seems pretty apparent to me now i have some sort of actual depression, as opposed to just feeling down as per usual.

It took courage to tell my mum because my whole real life is the problem. I feel like I play characters when I do stuff in real life (which admittedly is very little, only going to college and when my mum or someone asks me to do something or on rare occasions where we go somewhere.) I don't like the sound of my speaking voice as its very different from the one i think with. its like i'm not being sincere irl. My main concerns recently is that, at 19, i haven't ever had, well, the life of a teenager. No going out with friends or going on dates or having a girlfriend or anything. Sometimes its not having friends in real life that kinda brings me down worst, which has and is especially the case at both colleges i've been to (i'm at a new one now, doing music tech,) where i just sit quietly whilst everyone else has fun, but most recently its the girl side of things. I fell in love when i was 13 and ever since i've not been able to particularly fancy people very much at all, and i'm scared i might never. I'd blame it on some sort of almost-asexuality but that's not the case because clearly i can love a girl, but i feel like i've been missing out big time. Tho I guess i'm really young, i feel i've kinda already lived out the years which were supposed to be my prime, or the years of my life, doing nothing, and now it's just a downwards spiral as it has been so far.

Which brings me to seeing the negative side of things. I mentioned it on a facebook group where many people said that teenage love isn't worth it, but my mind has focused on the one comment that said how young love was by far the love which feels better, as its without adult life complication, without having been hurt before and with the hormones of attraction running wild. This weekend the thought of regret and longing hasn't really left my mind.

So just to see what the chances were I took a NHS depression test which said I probably do have depression, and my mum agreed with me so I'm looking to do counselling of some sort. Problem is, despite my complete shyness in real life (i can't even start conversations with most people, even quite often with my dad), i can't decide which is best, so i'm fishing for advice. My college has a free counselling session for half an hour on Wednesdays at lunchtime but I don't go in on Wednesdays, and its quite the journey to go there and back for 30 minutes, especially as it would be on the bus (sat lonely on the bus whilst other students [there's always students on them it seems no matter what time] are all speaking about their 'standard' yesterdays, which sound like the time of a life for me, though something i have to live with of course, still makes me flat again). On the other hand, I could take a more convenient, if more expensive route by paying for longer, 'proper' so to speak counselling. Or is there a third option, I don't know.

I don't really know what I want. I mean sure, having a friend in real life, to be able to speak to people, and to have something which at least vaguely resembles a social life, would be a start (i used to be fine at speaking to people in real life when i was little, but ironically enough, over the course of me going to an Asperger syndrome school, i have lost all my social communication abilities and now overthink my every next word in a conversation with people who aren't my mum, and especially anyone at college or outside my house.) I'm hoping counselling will work something worthwhile out of me but ultimately i'm curious if it will take me beyond just the first hurdle. I mean I can't imagine it making me fall out of love so i can start being attracted more or whatever, but i'd really like something to, and if counselling isn't it then maybe something else. Or maybe that part isn't necessary, as no girl has ever taken an interest in me, thankfully so considering. But i've been considering something like this for a long time (i lost all the friends in my area when i was 10-11, and i last had friends in education when I was 16, and i feel the fact i've just let things kinda sit because i haven't gone far enough, i.e. counselling, to be part of the static of my life.)

So ur I dunno if this is just some totally unnecessary thing which reads like some gawky teenage moan but i've become much more better at talking about it on the internet more recently (even as little as a month ago i'd never have done this) so i feel it kinda something i wanna say to see if just the odd bit of advice or whatever can turn aspects around. I'm completely introvert irl (hope counselling changes this) and i used to be very much so online in fear that i'd appear kinda like i'm just going on and being miserable, which i still kinda think it might look like tho I hope it doesn't (and i still haven't talked about on my own facebook timeline or anything, which has almost everyone i know on it and then some, but just in groups where people i don't know or don't know well can approach me, which kinda feels less nerving, so i guess that's what i'm doing here), as really what i'm after is some advice for the first time. I'm turning it here because the old Blur forum was where I established my life on the internet, which is the only life I enjoy now, and back when i was a super annoying 13-14 year old [hope that's changed ha] it was my no. 1 comfort and little tid bits of advice given at the time with things helped me out. It's so much easier, for me to speak about things online than elsewhere, but as Facebook has proven sketchy here I am. Thanks for reading and I hope I don't regret writing this when I'm feeling like i have less any-sort-of-future than i feel i have right now, which was basically this whole weekend lol. I can thank a few chats i've had online in the last hour and a bit for making me slightly less down than usual, and therefor for me writing all this, and as this is by far the most I've ever written about it, i guess thats a good thing.

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Re: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!?

Post by Caitlin » 05 Dec 2016, 11:13

^ first things first, it's really brave to make a post like this, so good work on that. seriously, being able to articulate how you're feeling like this is not a skill that many people have, let alone at your age. it's also a really great thing to be able to identify that maybe you're not doing great mental health wise at the moment, and to take the steps to seek help for it.

i don't know what the uk health system is like for mental health, so i don't think i can really give you advice re. college or official doctor stuff. i don't think there's a wrong option for it. if you can quickly and with relatively little effort get help through the official channels, i'd probably go with that. then again, if your college has an actual mental health specialist there, it won't hurt to go talk to them. the most important thing is that you do something. ideally sooner rather than later.

i'm not going to sit here and write off what you're saying as moany teenage stuff, cause it's not. to me it sounds like you may have some anxiety issues (then again, i've got crippling anxiety myself so maybe i'm reading too much of myself into what you're writing), and coupled with other stuff it's a bit overwhelming. maybe it's a lot overwhelming right now. but that's ok, as long as you go talk to someone about how you're feeling, and look for ways to maybe not let yourself feel like that for too much longer. because you're a good dude, and it's not fair that you should be feeling like that. things get better. you do have a future. never feel like you're alone. cause the majority of us might be weirdos on the internet, but we're here to talk. and to listen. whatever works. i can say pretty confidently that a number of people here have felt similar things to how you're feeling now. i know i have. i know i still do at times. and it's gonna sound like a lame cliche, but it does get better.

flick me a pm or a facebook message if you wanna talk, friendo. keep us updated. there is always someone around to listen or help.
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Re: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!?

Post by 101reykjavik » 05 Dec 2016, 13:34

I second everything Caitlin said. You're an articulate young man and that's something you can take real pride in. I'm an old git compared to you two, I'm 40 now and I've had my fair share of anxiety related problems when I was younger. I can relate to a lot of what you're saying AB and my anxieties held me back from any kind of romantic relationships or just many friends full stop for far too long. Thankfully that is all long, long behind me now so things can and do turn around. A future is there to be had. So many people have a nervous disposition or anxiety etc about something, more than you might imagine so you aren't alone. Loads of people would label themselves a wallflower, weirdo or outsider and are usually the most interesting of people! But the most important thing is you have recognised there is an issue. If college has a health care professional, yes, go and see them. Or book an appointment to see a GP at your local surgery if college is too far but do something. These professionals have seen all this stuff more times than they can remember so don't be afraid to ask, they can help and solutions are at hand. Let us know what you decide to do mate.
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Re: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!?

Post by Mallard No. 22 » 07 Dec 2016, 08:42

The forum is quiet at the moment. Much because there is little going on in the Blur hinterland.

But also, you haven't been here either AB. Your posts and interactions on this forum certainly make it livelier.

You have told me lots of things I didn't know about music, even though I knew the said music when it was first released.

Your posts have taken me back to albums I once bought, or prompted me to check out music which I overlooked at the time.

Good quote by 101reykjavik:
Loads of people would label themselves a wallflower, weirdo or outsider and are usually the most interesting of people!
"Everybody's Doing It...So Do It Too...."

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Re: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!?

Post by tom_cas1 » 07 Dec 2016, 16:38

AdvertBreak: I think I can speak for everyone here, especially those who have commented before me, when I say if you need to talk to any of us whether it's in a PM or here in this thread our doors are always open. You're an integral part of this community and a valued and loved member of this forum.
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Re: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!?

Post by AdvertBreak » 12 Dec 2016, 11:18

Thanks a lot everyone, your comments have raised my spirits and given me good advice and I hope to be around here more often. The ensuing week has been better, and I just had an annual review (a thing where my parents, tutors, workers etc. kinda discuss my future, educationally and otherwise) and through that it seems I might be getting college's counselling. It also seems it isn't just an half an hour session every week. I can only hope that it happens soon. I was worried that anything I would say at college counselling might spill into my college lessons themselves but given the nature of counselling I'd imagine that's not allowed.

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Re: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!?

Post by Mallard No. 22 » 14 Dec 2016, 08:42

My best regards to you AB :D
"Everybody's Doing It...So Do It Too...."

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Re: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!?

Post by AdvertBreak » 18 Dec 2016, 19:12

Thank you :)

Well so far things have got off to a somewhat sketchy start. As the college counsellor is only in on a day I'm not the college has referred me to the wellbeing adviser instead (does anyone know the difference between the two? I've asked a few people and got completely different answers lol.) I've done one session so far (my college is now broken up for christmas) and it was greatly shortened as I needed to go home and she was late anyway. She did speak a lot which was good, but I kinda felt she was drifting down a tangent. After she asked if I had many friends in college and I said no, she kinda took it from there, firstly commenting that internet friends aren't proper friends which I guess upset me a bit and then, although talking about unfortunate scenarios where people would make assumptions about me because I'm always quiet, she was kinda making something of an assumption herself by talking for a while about things she kinda assumed I didn't do even though I do (ala smiling to people or saying hello if people say it to me first). When I clarified it, she said it was good and then it kinda got better from there. She was impressed with the confidence I had even in not really saying anything over the 20 minutes. So really I hope as it develops we get more time to talk about stuff and it comes better.

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Re: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!?

Post by Mallard No. 22 » 20 Dec 2016, 05:04

Early days yet AB. Keep doing the sessions bit by bit.
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Re: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!?

Post by AdvertBreak » 27 Dec 2016, 02:17

I'm probably going to push for some sort of NHS counselling now really. There was something major I left out the original post, a sadly very potentially permanent problem, but even though I'd thought about it before, I googled it last night when it came to me and discovered someone who had the same problem (which I thought would be a comfort but it just made me sad) and the responses, some of whom also had this problem, were a bit confusing and frightening. I couldn't stop thinking about it, even when I went to bed, it to the point I had to get up again, and i still didn't stop thinking of it except for 10 minutes where I decided to see it less as a problem but that didn't last because I think it really is. It was also on my mind all of today even when I went to my nan's for a big family Boxing Day get together, the sort that I love a lot. And it hasn't really left my mind and it's really not something I feel I can discuss with someone whose job I'm still unsure of (the wellbeing adviser), but a counselor would appear to be very much the person to discuss it with, or at least I think.

By getting a straight up counselor, and I'm gonna pester my mum to arrange one because I dunno what I'd be doing if i tried myself [being NHS it would be free so no pay problems], I was wondering if it would be a good idea to kinda outline a list of some or even all of the major problems in brief and give them to that at the start, or to have them gradually ask the answers out of me? As I stated my wellbeing adviser didn't get a lot out of me on day one by asking very little so..? Although I'm still gonna stick with the wellbeing adviser I think like Mallard suggested, I guess I might talk more about to her about the things she can directly help with in regards to college experience.

Thanks and also I hope everyone had a merry christmas. Mine was pretty cool I guess.

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Re: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!?

Post by 101reykjavik » 27 Dec 2016, 09:23

Hi AB. I'm pleased you had a nice Christmas.

I won't profess to having an experience of counselling so I'm only going off common sense. I reckon an NHS counselor would be good, and I'm sure you'll be able to build up a rapport with them soon enough to feel more confident about talking about your thoughts. And you can always keep your wellbeing adviser I'm sure for the more day to day concerns at college. But until you do feel more able to talk about everything, I like the sound of your idea to write down your concerns. I would have thought there is no right or wrong way about how you begin, simply taking that first step is most important, so if that is the most comfortable way for you to communicate those thoughts first off, go with that. It'll be like a little start point for them to begin to ask you how you feel about various things. And it's more important you do tell them these things rather than hold back, as that's obviously how they can help you. Whether that's written down or communicated verbally I can't see would matter, not to begin with.
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Re: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!?

Post by AdvertBreak » 27 Dec 2016, 20:11

Thanks for the advice. I'm gonna wait until I get the counseling and make the decision as to what way to go about the integral first step I think. I'm just hoping it can begin as soon as possible. I'm just thinking that if I write down each problem at once, or at least most of them, they won't go giving me advice that might contradict another problem I haven't mentioned yet.
Last edited by AdvertBreak on 27 Dec 2016, 20:12, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!?

Post by Mallard No. 22 » 27 Dec 2016, 22:26

I agree. Write down what your main concerns are.

Just as you might in other areas of life. Like a shopping list, or tasks around the home, or phone calls you have to make.

You write things down, so you remember what to do. It will give something for the counselling to focus on.
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Re: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!?

Post by AdvertBreak » 10 Jan 2017, 11:20

When I wrote on here last I was in the middle of my worst (24-28 December). Although I've frequently dipped since then I've remained relatively stable my distracting my mind for long enough. On 28 December, the day after I last posted, I booked to see my GP about it, and then had a surprise slot the following morning. I mentioned some of my problems, albeit in brief, and they have referred me to a 45 minute psychotherapy assessment on the 19th, where I discuss all that I can and then they decide where to go after that, I think, i.e. counselling or whatever. Progress : )

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Re: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!?

Post by 101reykjavik » 10 Jan 2017, 17:15

Yes, that's good progress. Good luck on 19th, I'm sure it will be really helpful.
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